Of Life and Bastards
by shinybicho
Summary: Naruto just couldn't take it anymore. What would it take to get those bastards off his life, his back and his pants for good?


**A/N:** Don't mind me... I just wanted to write something...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it.

**Warning:** Massive cursing, yaoi, failed attempt in humor and romance, etc...

**Summary:** Naruto just couldn't take it anymore. What would it take to get those bastards off his life, his back and his pants for good?

* * *

**Of Life and Bastards**  
_One-shot  
_

Uzumaki Naruto didn't like this. In fact, he had _never_ liked this to begin with! He thought to himself how this started in the first place as he was walking down the street after leaving the only restaurant he thought he could hide in. _Ichiraku_ was a crowded fast food place that served ramen, ramen, and more ramen. But the bastards decided to get inside and surround him again. A vein popped on his temple just thinking about it.

Pausing for a moment, he looked up at the sky. He narrowed his eyes, stretched. If there was one place he could hide it would probably over at Iruka-sensei's place. Of course, they wouldn't _dare_ go near him with Iruka-sensei there. Deciding that it was the only way, he started walking, unaware of a pair of eyes looking at him.

Over at Iruka-sensei's place, Naruto thought that it was his sanctuary. His safe place, his hideout, his heaven. And man, did he realize how wrong he was when he knocked. Sounds of thuds, crashes, and others that he didn't even want to think about (especially Iruka-sensei's voice calling out a name Naruto could _not_ believe). Naruto's face turned beet red and thought otherwise on knocking again. The blond sighed and walked away. Maybe a bit of training in the grounds would work.

There was something about the grounds that relaxed him. It might be because it was the place where he made friends with his team. Or the fact that there were a lot of things he could take his anger out on. Not to mention, people he would love to kick the life out of. But these were the same people he was running away from, so kicking the life out of them would be absurd since they were trying to get into his pants in the first place.

Naruto blushed and twitched. There was no way he was going to allow these men to get into his pants. There were only a few people he allowed to touch his pants (just the hem, mind you!) and they were Tsunade-baachan and Iruka-sensei. Anyone else was considered prohibited and not allowed to enter _at all_. But these bastards were just pushing it. Not only were they following him to the very place he thought he could die happily (_Ichiraku _sold the best ramens in the entire universe!) but they were thinking of taking him _in public_. It was humiliating, to be under them in front of everyone. He doesn't even want to get started on the _fangirls_.

He didn't appreciate the fangirls. Half were devastated, half were murderous, and maybe a fourth or so were squealing in delight. No, he didn't appreciate any of them at all. Sakura, Ino, Hinata and TenTen weren't much help either. They just watched. Sakura and Ino were part of the 'HELL YEAH, YAOI GALLORE!' group. Hinata just stood there, mouth agape, face beet red that Naruto thought all the blood she had rushed to her brain. TenTen was the only one who stood there, nearly crying. Naruto thought that he sympathizes, but it doesn't mean she had to throw random weapons at him! He was under a guy _for crying out loud_!

Naruto twitched again. He concentrated all his chakra into his hand and waited as his replica started to work on it. After a while, he charged at the tree trunk and broke nearly three other trees behind it. Oh yeah, it felt good.

------

If there was one thing Naruto _didn't_ want, it was whenever one of those bastards would constantly follow him around konoha, even to the point of tricking him into buying him ramen. Naruto cursed and thought that maybe a little less ramen might do good for his body in many ways. He would have never thought that the day would come when he would be thankful that there were no missions set for them. Because missions would mean meeting with the team and meeting with the team meant meeting that bastard. Oh what he would do to just get away from him right now.

But he wasn't very lucky. There were times he managed to escape the clutches of those bastards, but seriously... today was just not his day. While running away from those other bastards, he had managed to bump into the one bastard he never wanted to see throughout the entire day.

"Hn," Naruto twitched and glared his best at the person he bumped into. Well, he would have done more if that said person he bumped into wasn't holding his waist and somehow pulled him closer. "Damn you, bastard. Let go of me! Can't you see I have to go somewhere important?" The blond snapped.

The prodigy lowered his face a bit, nearly letting his nose touch Naruto's. The smaller knew he was blushing, and he tried to pull away. But the harder he tried to pull away, the lower those hands went. Naruto's eye twitched and held the other's wrists tightly, pulling it up and away from his lower back. "Bastard. Get those hands _up_ my waist and _off_ my clothes. _Especially_ my pants!"

"Dobe," said another monotonous monosyllable. Finally able to wrench the taller boy's wrists away from his body, Naruto pushed the other's chest and turned around. "You know you can't go far, dobe."

"Damn it, Uchiha, can you just rest my case and leave me alone? I can handle these kinds of things by myself, thank you very much." Naruto retorted, not appreciating Sasuke's "help". A snort came from the Uchiha survivor and he walked closer to Naruto. Wrapping his arms around the blond's waist, he held each of his wrists in a lock to prevent Naruto from yanking them away again.

Sasuke leaned onto Naruto's shoulder and whispered softly into his ear, "You know that this is the only way you can get rid of those bastards, right?" Naruto shivered involuntarily, stiffling a soft sigh. As much as he hated to admit it, the bastard Uchiha was right. There was absolutely no other way other than him being together with Sasuke. Naruto gave up and leaned onto the older boy's chest.

------

"NO. WAY!" Naruto slid the door inside the Uchiha mansion, trying to get away from the Uchiha. Sasuke had removed nearly all of Naruto's clothing (including underwear) and started to slip various kinky toys Naruto didn't even _dare_ think where and _how_ the bastard got it. "Uchiha, you bastard! You get that—that--_thing_ away from me!" He bellowed in a somewhat threatening tone.

Sasuke, being an Uchiha, didn't listen to the blond's words and inched closer. Naruto knew that this would be one of those days when his daily life would simply be filled with just one bastard.

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**A/N:** it's been _so long_ since I've written SasuNaru... unfortunately, I'm not updated with either the manga or the anime. OTL Please forgive the future lack of information. ;A;

I don't think I've said anything yet, but I guess I'll say it now. I'm taking my time to rewriting both **Perfection** and **Starting Anew**. Most especially the latter since I think it needs a _HUGE_ plot fix. )8 I actually didn't plan it out to end that way, which led to it being on hiatus for so long... And for **Perfection**, it also turned out to be something I wasn't planning. So I'm fixing both stories plot-wise and rewriting the entire thing. Sorry. ;~;

But anyway, hope you enjoyed. I was bored during my first three weeks of summer and this is what happened. XD I've got more (_planned_) stories for you guys, all you need is to check out my profile. ;D


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